I am a huge proponent of forgiveness however, I recently found myself in foreign state. There was anger brewing inside of me that I did not understand and although I thought I was dealing with the anger, I came to the conclusion that I was not.

While watching the movie, “Dead man Walking”, I realized that I could see myself in the parents of the murdered children.  The had no compassion for the man who was accused of taking their children away from them.  They did not even see the man as human, he was a “mistake of God”, as one parent stated.  It was at that moment that I realized I had lost all compassion for a human being accused of killing someone who I cared about.  I replayed a conversation with a friend regarding the death penalty and clearly heard myself saying that “he” should be killed to stop him from killing anyone else.  I said that he took a life and would probably do it again if he were permitted to live.  I thought that even if he remained in prison for life, he would kill another prisoner and I had compassion for them.

Watching this movie was like looking in a mirror.  One that I had turned over because I did not like what I saw.  I have been going about my business for months thinking of all these reasons “he” should not be permitted to live. I never saw him, I saw a mug shot, then I saw the pain in my son’s eyes.  I saw my son’s tears and heard his unanswered question, “why did “he” have to kill my daddy”?  Ultimately only seeing black, darkness, and resentment.

Unforgiveness is a bitter pill to swallow and it ultimately can kill you.  You see, all this time I have been held hostage by anger and that is a danger to my soul.  My soul salvation is important to me and my goal is living a life that is pleasing to God.  Last night, God showed me, me!  I had to ask for forgiveness and forgive “him”.  I woke up this morning with swollen, red eyes BUT I can feel my load lightened.

I know it is hard to see past the pain that others have caused you but you have to see that you are more than your circumstances.  I never thought that I would be advocating for the death penalty but pain pushes you to points unseen. Thank You God for new mercy.

Today choose you and watch God work it out.

 

How I Turned Sexual Temptation Into A Blessing

Jul 22, 2014 | by Anonymous

Dear God: Thank you for showing me the way out of temptation and into the blessing and discipline of singleness.

Abstinence. Celibacy. Single. Married. Divorced. They are all words.

More importantly, they are all choices.

And more often than not, they are related to that three letter word that so many people have trouble discussing.

Sex.

I did not wake up one morning and decide “I’m not going to have sex for seven years”.

I did not suddenly decide, “I think I am going to stop dating for a while.”

I DID wake up one morning after having sex with someone I wasn’t married to, yet madly in love with, and crying my eyes out.

It wasn’t the first time. He never noticed my silent tears.

The agony of immeasurable pleasure combined with unbearable guilt.

But my soul was tired.

I wasn’t mad at men.

I was tired of enjoying the best sex ever and IMMEDIATELY feeling disconnected from the one I love the most: GOD.

I was tired of starting my prayers with “God, I’m sorry, I did it again and it’s really hard for me to stay away because I LOVE him.”

I was tired of not feeling free to take my problems to God because I KNEW I was INTENTIONALLY sinning.

I was tired of trying to ignore God whispering in my ear as I got myself all dressed up and smelling good for my “booty call”.

And most importantly, I was tired of not enjoying the full benefits of living a life COMPLETELY lived for God.

It wasn’t random sex.

It was someone I loved more than I had ever loved before.

I was monogamous.

But, I ended the relationship.

When it was over, I was sad. I even tried to go back.

I couldn’t understand how I could hurt so much.

I couldn’t understand how we both could love each other so much and not find a way to make it work.

I couldn’t understand why I could feel so convicted for doing something that felt so good, so spiritual.

But, I KNEW: I NEEDED to obey God.

What was I to do? Go find another man to sleep with?

Nope. It would not have been the same. I only wanted that man.

I realized that each time I gave my body to that man, I was taking something away from God.

I was also depriving myself. Depriving myself of a clean conscience.

It didn’t matter what others around me did. I knew what God told ME!

After that, when a man approached me, I turned him down. I needed to learn the art of discipline.

I had spent so many years of my life, using my body for my OWN pleasure, that I knew I needed to do some SOUL CLEANSING.

So I took it one day at a time. One guy at a time. One No at a time. And now, I have not only days of celibacy, I have YEARS of celibacy.

Discipline.

Do I miss a relationship? Yup!

Do I desire companionship? Yup.

But, this time, I’m waiting on God.

Are there times I want sex?

Um, heck YEAH!

I KNOW what I NEED, WANT and DESERVE in a relationship and I won’t settle anymore.

And as I learned discipline, guess what happened?

I found my purpose.

I honed my talents.

I made new friends with similar interests.

I focused.

I created an online radio show.

I pursued my writing career.

I had a successful television career.

I started my own business.

And I got closer to God than I ever imagined possible.

I hear him more clearly.

The nights of staining my pillow with tears of guilt and shame are long gone.

I know people like to say, “just give it to God”.

The truth is: It doesn’t happen in an instant.

It’s a DAILY DECISION.

So, if people ridicule you for being celibate, ignore the ignorance.

The orgasm they enjoy for a moment, can’t compete with God’s everlasting love!

Even in my initial walk towards the celibate life, I slipped up a few times.

And finally, I made the decision to leave.

And that meant no more sex.

I once went a month, then three months and FINALLY I learned to STOP counting how long it’s been since I’ve “had sex”.

I started counting how long my body has belonged to God!

And now, I’m eagerly anticipating that man, my future husband that God has in store JUST for me.

Because I am disciplined.

And obedience is better than a sacrifice.

Copyright © 2014 · The Praying Woman · All Rights Reserved

– See more at: http://theprayingwoman.com/2014/07/22/turning-sexual-temptation-into-a-blessing/#sthash.vK7dwGkS.dpuf

Flowers do not worry about how they are going to bloom.  They just open up and turn toward the light and that makes them beautiful~Jim Carrey

Just like a flower, we are not to worry about how we are going to evolve.  Our job is to look up to God from which we receive light and the beauty of who we are will be shown for the world to see.

As I celebrate day one of my birthday, I am reminded that so many do not see the beauty within themselves.  Some people have put on masks to cope with situations in life.  One great thing about God is that He will always send an encouraging word when you are in need.

For those who feel that they cannot escape their past, God is forgiving.

For those who feel that they cannot make right their wrongs, God is a fixer.

For those who believe they are under a generational curse, God breaks chains.

For those who hide because of the perception of others, God is judge and jury.

For anyone who thinks God has forgotten about you, God is waiting on you.

If you do not fit into any of these categories, God is the alpha and omega.  He has you covered on both ends. Today celebrate you and all that God has, will, and is doing in your life.

“Falling in love with Jesus was the best thing I’ve every done”~<3