Transparent Thursday Post:

For those that know me, y’all know that “I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my ish”. I’m a perfectionist and I will study long and hard so that I get things right, the first time.

Well…one of my favorite desserts is the French Macaron. Being a baker, I make it my business to master my favorites so that I’m not forced to purchase the desserts from others all the time. While all recipes are precise, this recipe is delicate and precise AND you need EXTRA patience because it calls for you to take everything that you would normally do a step further.

So…I finally worked up the nerve to attempt to make French Macarons for the first time AND I BOMBED!!! Well…it was one of those things like,  they taste good but they don’t look right!🤣🤣🤣

I’m laughing now but I dropped a few tears because when I captured the picture, I immediately knew that I messed up.

Moral of the story: never be afraid to go after the things that make your heart smile. Although we learned at a very young age, if at first you don’t succeed, try again, as we grow up we don’t extend ourselves much grace. We become accustomed to perfecting and miss the joy of the experience.

So tonight as you wind down, make plans to go after those things that you’ve put off due to fear. Start formulating your plan and attack that goal with every thing in you. 🦋😘🦋😘🦋😘

Pain is something that we will all experience in life. No one is immune. While we generally believe that certain characteristics or actions of another are the source of our pain, the truth is, most times the pain is self-inflicted (I’ll save this for another post).

Now, the trouble with attributing your pain to the characteristics or actions of others is that you begin to believe that if you remove the person and every person that you meet with the same characteristics or behavior, the pain will end. Sadly, this solution does not deal with the underlying cause of the pain nor its lingering effects, it will only give you temporary relief and you could end up pushing the wrong people out of your life.

I learned this lesson the hard way (as many of us do). I confused the grief that I felt when that person was around with what I was actually grieving. It was not their presence that caused me grief, it was something inside of them that forced me to walk in my truth. Something in them would not allow me to hide behind the mask I wore. Their presence literally forced me to deal with me.

As you grow through life, search for the root issues. If you only look at the surface, you will stunt the process.

Remember, people come into your life for numerous reasons, allow people to do what they must and then let them go on their way.

Are you being specific with your request for God?

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Like many of you, I tuned in to watch the Bobby Brown Story, for many different reasons (I have not read

his book).  First and foremost, I wanted to see Bobby Brown’s life through the eyes of Bobby Brown.  I have read articles and seen stories told from the perspective of an onlooker BUT nothing beats a first hand account of a story.

Listen…by the end of day 2, I saw a piece of all of our lives in Uncle Bobby’s story.  I saw a life full of highs and lows.  I saw heartache, pain, and a man that has had to pick up the pieces and start over again and again. I saw someone that has loved and lost.  Someone that was full of life and wanted to enjoy every moment.

If you watched the series and picked through to determine which parts you choose to believe then you wasted your time.  We all go through trials and tribulations so that we can help others to see that there is victory on the other side.  Each part of the story built upon and expanded to another area of his life.  In the end, he is the sum total of every experience and a work in progress, still striving to get better.

I am grateful that Uncle Bobby brought HIStory to television and gave the world deeper insight into his life.  The story is told from HIS prospective and the wonderful thing about you telling your story is that no one gets to tell you what happened to you.

Be courageous enough to tell YOUR story.  The world is waiting.

Well…16 x 2 + 5 and Pregnant 🙂

I really wanted to document my second journey to motherhood but honestly, I was just too tired. I was tired no matter how much I slept and there seemed to be no solution.  When I asked the doctors about the fatigue, they attributed it to my age BUT oh imagine this, I was ANEMIC and it was 1,000 degrees outside!!! (I live in the Sunshine State, duh)…

Welcome to “Advanced Maternal Age (AMA), or Pregnancy at Age 35 or Older”.  Although, per my doctor, I was a healthy 37-year-old, they never missed an opportunity to remind me of my age and what my age could mean for my pregnancy. It was almost as though they were surprised that each visit, I continued to “do well”…Thankfully, by the grace of God, I had a very healthy pregnancy.

Back to this AMA…I was referred to a high risk pregnancy doctor, “due to my age” and was required to see this doctor until I was “released”.  In other words, I’m old and I need monitoring because I’m old and pregnant lol. Sounds like my pregnancy had me doing time, right?

Although, it may sound like complaining, I am actually very grateful for the extra doctor visits and extra chances to see my baby girl developing in the womb.  My doctors were great and I know that they wanted to protect me and the little Princess to the best of their abilities.

Now, as far as my pregnancy went, I am now completely convinced of my theory that if your pregnancy is rough, your labor will be a walk in the park and in the inverse, if your pregnancy is smooth, labor will kick your butt. I have never experienced pain like that in my life and the little Princess was smaller than the little Prince.

Thinking back to 1998-1999, in my first trimester that I told my mother if this is what pregnancy was like, she did not have to worry about me getting pregnant again.  I was so sick, I thought I would whither away.  Fast forward to labor, the little Prince cried into the world after around 5 1/2 hours of actual labor, before my doctor could even return to the hospital to deliver him.

Now, his sister on the other hand, while I did experience morning sickness, I could usually pull myself together and make it through the day.  Fast forward to her labor,  induction began on Tuesday and she was born on Thursday and that’s all I’ll say about that. (in my Forest Gump voice lol)

So here’s the silver lining…I have two healthy babies. One is a man-child and the other is a newborn.  So far I have loved going through the newborn phase again but I will not lie and say that I do not appreciate the independent phase that my son is in.

In the end, it wasn’t so bad being 16 x 2 + 5 and Pregnant. This phase (as others lol ) is going to be an adventure and I welcome you along for the ride!!!

Picture it…Cape Canaveral, Florida, October 17, 2016…

This is a day that I will never forget because on this day, I cried. It’s not like I shed a few tears to wipe away the pain, I sobbed for hours, uncontrollably.  I wailed, my body shook, I snorted, and had to use my albuterol inhaler to catch my breath.  I think this picture is vivid now…

The truth is that I have shed tears before.  Crying is something that I actually feel is normal and healthy. BUT…on this day, I cried like never before.

You see this day was a day that I had planned for weeks in advance.  This day was supposed to be special and in the blink of an eye, the day was completely off schedule and out of my control.

The next day, as I reflected on the events that transpired on October 17, 2016, I could not understand why I cried so much.  I replayed every moment over and over in my head, trying to figure out why I was so hurt and why I could not stop crying. I have had disappointments, I have been hurt, and I have experienced loss but these tears were different.

Then suddenly I realized, this cry was a culmination of many events.  None of which happened on October 17, 2016.

I cried because of years of pain and frustration over things that I felt I had long mourned. These tears had been building up for over a decade and on this day, they all came flooding out.

I cried because I planned out my life when I was 8 and nothing turned out the way I planned.

I cried because I feel my career hasn’t begun.

I cried because my son’s father was chased down and murdered like an animal and I can’t take the pain away from my son.

I cried because I couldn’t answer my son when he asked why did the man have to kill his father.

I cried because I’ve made so many sacrifices in life.

I cried for every disappointment that I had to regroup from.

I cried for every dream delayed.

I cried because at that moment, I realized that I’ve held “it” together for so long.

It was painful, it was agonizing, it was NECESSARY and REFRESHING!!!

Those tears freed me in a way that I did not know that I needed and in that moment the weight of the world fell from my shoulders.

My uncle taught me that “my God will provide”. In this season, those words have guided me through my day-to-day trials and allowed me to experience joy during my time in the valley.

While it may appear that I have been in a season of lack, God told me that I would not lose one thing. You see to the human eye it may look like a fall but in God’s eyes it is a setup for a come up. In this season, I often found myself saying Lord I do not know what you are preparing me for but I trust you. BUT, I had to change my words and just simply say Lord I trust you. Because no matter what He is preparing me for He has still been working in this season and for everything that I saw as lack, He has given me better.

A few weeks ago I received a major blessing that was over a year in the making. I had no idea nor was I even thinking about going in this direction but God said I have already seen what challenges are ahead, I know your needs and I will supply ALL your needs.  He put an individual in place and placed a seed in their mind that would come to harvest 18 months later.

Often in life we get so caught up in what things look like that we cannot see what they really are. We make plans and when the plans fall through, we are devastated. We waste time trying to regroup and we waste time trying to figure out what God is doing.  In these times, we must be still and allow God to truly be the head of our lives.

The super Saints will not get this but the Christians will… You do not have to be perfect for God to bless you, you do not have to say buzz words for God to bless you, and you do not have to stand on one leg and scratch your head for God to bless you…simply put, God will bless you in His way and in His time.

From this day forward do not to get caught up in the small stuff. So what your plans did not work out, God’s plans are much better than anything you could ever plan for yourself. Allow God to work out the details and follow His directions.  If you trust God to wake you up every day, why not trust him to make that day good. God is prepared to give you what you have asked for and everything that you need but the question is, do you trust Him?