How I Turned Sexual Temptation Into A Blessing

Jul 22, 2014 | by Anonymous

Dear God: Thank you for showing me the way out of temptation and into the blessing and discipline of singleness.

Abstinence. Celibacy. Single. Married. Divorced. They are all words.

More importantly, they are all choices.

And more often than not, they are related to that three letter word that so many people have trouble discussing.

Sex.

I did not wake up one morning and decide “I’m not going to have sex for seven years”.

I did not suddenly decide, “I think I am going to stop dating for a while.”

I DID wake up one morning after having sex with someone I wasn’t married to, yet madly in love with, and crying my eyes out.

It wasn’t the first time. He never noticed my silent tears.

The agony of immeasurable pleasure combined with unbearable guilt.

But my soul was tired.

I wasn’t mad at men.

I was tired of enjoying the best sex ever and IMMEDIATELY feeling disconnected from the one I love the most: GOD.

I was tired of starting my prayers with “God, I’m sorry, I did it again and it’s really hard for me to stay away because I LOVE him.”

I was tired of not feeling free to take my problems to God because I KNEW I was INTENTIONALLY sinning.

I was tired of trying to ignore God whispering in my ear as I got myself all dressed up and smelling good for my “booty call”.

And most importantly, I was tired of not enjoying the full benefits of living a life COMPLETELY lived for God.

It wasn’t random sex.

It was someone I loved more than I had ever loved before.

I was monogamous.

But, I ended the relationship.

When it was over, I was sad. I even tried to go back.

I couldn’t understand how I could hurt so much.

I couldn’t understand how we both could love each other so much and not find a way to make it work.

I couldn’t understand why I could feel so convicted for doing something that felt so good, so spiritual.

But, I KNEW: I NEEDED to obey God.

What was I to do? Go find another man to sleep with?

Nope. It would not have been the same. I only wanted that man.

I realized that each time I gave my body to that man, I was taking something away from God.

I was also depriving myself. Depriving myself of a clean conscience.

It didn’t matter what others around me did. I knew what God told ME!

After that, when a man approached me, I turned him down. I needed to learn the art of discipline.

I had spent so many years of my life, using my body for my OWN pleasure, that I knew I needed to do some SOUL CLEANSING.

So I took it one day at a time. One guy at a time. One No at a time. And now, I have not only days of celibacy, I have YEARS of celibacy.

Discipline.

Do I miss a relationship? Yup!

Do I desire companionship? Yup.

But, this time, I’m waiting on God.

Are there times I want sex?

Um, heck YEAH!

I KNOW what I NEED, WANT and DESERVE in a relationship and I won’t settle anymore.

And as I learned discipline, guess what happened?

I found my purpose.

I honed my talents.

I made new friends with similar interests.

I focused.

I created an online radio show.

I pursued my writing career.

I had a successful television career.

I started my own business.

And I got closer to God than I ever imagined possible.

I hear him more clearly.

The nights of staining my pillow with tears of guilt and shame are long gone.

I know people like to say, “just give it to God”.

The truth is: It doesn’t happen in an instant.

It’s a DAILY DECISION.

So, if people ridicule you for being celibate, ignore the ignorance.

The orgasm they enjoy for a moment, can’t compete with God’s everlasting love!

Even in my initial walk towards the celibate life, I slipped up a few times.

And finally, I made the decision to leave.

And that meant no more sex.

I once went a month, then three months and FINALLY I learned to STOP counting how long it’s been since I’ve “had sex”.

I started counting how long my body has belonged to God!

And now, I’m eagerly anticipating that man, my future husband that God has in store JUST for me.

Because I am disciplined.

And obedience is better than a sacrifice.

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Flowers do not worry about how they are going to bloom.  They just open up and turn toward the light and that makes them beautiful~Jim Carrey

Just like a flower, we are not to worry about how we are going to evolve.  Our job is to look up to God from which we receive light and the beauty of who we are will be shown for the world to see.

As I celebrate day one of my birthday, I am reminded that so many do not see the beauty within themselves.  Some people have put on masks to cope with situations in life.  One great thing about God is that He will always send an encouraging word when you are in need.

For those who feel that they cannot escape their past, God is forgiving.

For those who feel that they cannot make right their wrongs, God is a fixer.

For those who believe they are under a generational curse, God breaks chains.

For those who hide because of the perception of others, God is judge and jury.

For anyone who thinks God has forgotten about you, God is waiting on you.

If you do not fit into any of these categories, God is the alpha and omega.  He has you covered on both ends. Today celebrate you and all that God has, will, and is doing in your life.

“Falling in love with Jesus was the best thing I’ve every done”~<3

TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1, by Os Hillman
06-30-2014

“God looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.” Psalm 53:2

Are you a man or woman who is a seeker of God? The Lord delights in seeing those children of His who truly understand the meaning of life and why there is only one thing worth seeking God Himself.

I can always tell when I have not been seeking God. The cares of this life, the urgent over the important, and the petty irritations-these are the symptoms of a life that has not been in the presence of God. Do we understand, really understand? That is the question God raises to each of us today. If we understand, then why do we spend day after day toiling and fretting over what doesn’t matter? Can we set proper boundaries in our lives that don’t allow our time with Him to be continually stolen away? It is a challenge in a world that screams “activity, activity!”

Do you have a consistent time of seeking Him in your life? Are you committed to developing that intimacy with your Lord that He so desires? If not, ask Him today to help you. This is the longing of His heart. Ask Him to make it the longing of your heart. Then you will demonstrate to Him that you understand, and you will be a seeker of God.

Today God Is First (TGIF) devotional message, Copyright by Os Hillman, Marketplace Leaders.

“A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels”

“The Color of Rain”…

While watching this movie, the all too familiar situation arose…two people fall in love, they go through their moments of doubt and when they finally get out of their own way, everyone tells them they are moving too fast or they are not good for each other. The couple becomes distant and decide to break up.

Often times we need the advice of others so that we may see things from a different perspective. Sometimes, we are moving too fast or even too slow BUT we must be cautious of who we allow to give us advice. Everyone is not in a position to speak to or on your current situation.

When those who have been hurt are still carrying their own grief/pain, it is difficult to give others advice that is not based on their hurtful experience.  They think that what they are saying will protect you from feeling the pain they know all too well but what they are doing is advising you to not feel or live.

Thankfully, because this was a movie, the couple got back together and now live happily ever after. Life is not always like the movies so, be mindful of who you allow in your ear. Most times, they are trying to help but we cannot offer sound advice when we are in a state of depletion ourselves.

What is in a name???

One of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made was what to name my son.  When I was pregnant, it seemed so easy and I never gave it a second thought.  However, as the years go by, I have contemplated numerous times whether I made the right decision.

I gave him a name with Jr. on the end.  At first sight, this may look like a legacy, pride, or a deep appreciation for the man whose name would  now be attached with Sr.  The truth is, I never thought beyond the fact that the child I carried inside was his son and the pride he felt from knowing that a mini version of him would soon grace this world.

I’m happy that I made the decision, along with him, to name our son Jr.  Only God knew that we would be where we are today.  Only God knew that my son would carry a legacy, a sense of pride, and a deep appreciation for the man whose name was attached with Sr.  I thank God that the very same name is revered.  Sr. may be gone but his name touched the hearts of many people who now watch out for Jr.  God’s promises are eternal and I know that although I am away from Jr., Sr.’s name has provided him with a shield that watches and prays for him more than we’ll ever know.

Every phone call I get reminds me that my angel on earth is covered.  So, what’s in a name???   Everything you need!!!

I have a request to write about love.  Well, everyone knows that I love, love and I could write about it ALL day long!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

Love is the foundation of all human interaction.  It all began with “for God so loved the world that He gave…”.  Love is Jesus on the cross.  It is this same love that we are to show towards one another.  The things we say, do, and think all should stem from love. The first love we consciously experience is from our parents. It is at this point that things can go one of two directions, right or real wrong {I will save this for another post 🙂 }. However, these experiences are the building blocks from which we develop our basis for love.

As children, we are in an active learning state and we crave knowledge.  We soak up everything we see, hear and feel, then we mimic or reject those behaviors.  These behaviors are what we know to be love.  When we mature we begin to have a new craving, we seek to understand ourselves and develop our own sense of love and we then connect with individuals who we feel meet our needs.  Our subconscious mind creates these connections so that we may receive this love and allows us to show our love towards others.

The most common mistake that we make in relationships is that we seek some magical formula that is supposed to create a perfect love.  Perfection is for God alone and not man.  The foundation of the word relationship is “relation”. Relation is the manner in which people communicate, behave, and interact with each other.  This goes back to love.  The love you desire and the love you require is what guides your relationships. Love is not a noun, do not allow Merriam-Webster to have you searching for a “strong feeling”. There are many who have experienced a strong feeling and it turned out to be pain.  Love is not synonymous with pain. Love is found in actions.  Love is what causes you to care for someone other than yourself.  It makes you put others needs before yours.  Love will make you show compassion and empathy without being told that you should.

Now…we were created to form relationships with one another.  There is no such thing as an army of one. As I said, we were created, therefore designed to form bonds with each other.  It is natural for us to seek companionship. While seeking companionship, we must embrace our differences.  Our differences are what bind us.  We are all flawed but there is someone out there that will strengthen your weaknesses and in doing so they complement your imperfections.  Love is the catalyst that allows this to happen. Love is the acceptance of a less than perfect person and sharing your strengths with them to aid in their growth.  When you can encourage, support, and forgive without expecting reciprocal actions, you have begun to experience love.

What’s love got to do with it?  EVERYTHING!!! Love is what love does.  It is a free-fall experience.  It is vulnerability and selflessness.  In trying to define love, you should understand  that love is a sacrifice.  BUT, with this sacrifice, you add value to your life.  It is my sincere belief that we all desire to be loved and possibly desire even more that someone allows us to love them.  Reach beyond the limits you have placed on yourself and let love flow.

Chorus for today: “I’m a puzzle, yes indeed. Ever complex in every way and all the pieces aren’t even in the box. Yet you see the picture clear as day…You catch me when I fall, accept me, flaws and all and that’s why I love you”~Flaws and All

Somewhere along the way, we have failed to see that all people deserve to be treated as humans. Disagreeing with someone’s view does not make one person right and the other person wrong but it should teach us to see issues from another person’s perspective.

While reading comments posted on a blog site, I noticed the terms reverse racism and white privilege were loosely thrown around, along with comments about who should and should not be allowed to comment on issues within a certain community.  Although most commentators had a point that was valid in their eyes, the message got lost while sifting through cliché’s used to incite emotion.  How do we heal from pain that has not been acknowledged?  If we are not free to say what effects our individual lives or communities without backlash for having the discussion, then how do we find solutions?  On the same note, if we only allow a minimal amount of people to sit in on the discussion, how will things change?

The first step is acknowledgment, there has to be an admission so that acceptance can settle in and from there, the pain of the masses can be healed.  We all suffer from division and we will never heal from our pain by ignoring the cries of our brethren. 

Until we get to the point of acknowledging that we are all human and deserve to be treated as such, we are doing more harm than good to each other.  When you know better, you do better. I’m so thankful for the diverse environment I have called home for the last 2 years. #FAMU 

“Emergency Stopping Only”

When I was younger and I saw a sign on the side of the highway stating “Emergency Stopping Only”, I would always wonder who determines what an emergency is.  In my mind, I figured there was a wide variety of circumstances that could arise while driving on the highway.  So, who gets to determine when you can stop?

On the highway, as in life, we all experience different circumstances that we deem emergencies.  These differ from person to person and our surroundings.  While traveling, if you’re 50 miles from your exit, your emergency is different from when you are 5 miles away. In life, the closer you get to your destiny, you will see your emergencies begin to look a lot different.  The things that caused you to pause or stop, will no longer have that effect on you journey.  Your emergencies turn into urges that push you to your destinations.

Therefore, God determines when you can stop.  He already knows exactly how much you can handle and He’s already foreseen the “emergencies” that you may see as hindrances.  It is all about perception.  We should look at  life through our spiritual eyes for our natural eyes will deceive us.  Things that we think will stop us in our tracks are the very things that God has placed in our lives to propel us into our destinies.  When we begin to see ourselves as God sees us, we see that there is no reason to stop moving, it is merely time to stop and pray.

We are only as free as the truth we live…<3

Some are taught to keep secrets to minimize the pain; many are told to lie so that others will not be hurt by their actions; and others are encouraged to paint fairy-tale pictures to replace harsh realities.

The problem with all these things is that they take away from the greatness that we could experience in life.

Give yourself the freedom to live your best life. God has a purpose and plan for you that is greater than you could ever imagine. Your past does not determine the quality of your future.  Everything you experienced was to get you to the very point you are at now. Break free from the things that keep you tied down and Live Your Truth.

It is important to surround yourself with people who believe in you.  Not those who believe in your latest endeavor but those who believe in who you are at the core.  The ones that will lift you up during moments of weakness and turn you around when you are heading for wall.  They are the ones that God sends to remind you that you are on the right course.  We all have moments in which we evaluate if we have gone down the right path or made the right decision.  We  are guilty of seeing things as they appear instead of seeing what God has spoken over our lives.  Thankfully, He never leaves us without direction and He will send a word when it is needed.

Over the past week, I received confirmation that I was on the right course in several areas.  It was settled that some decisions I made were correct for this time in my life.  The weight of the world will attempt to break the strongest of us down.  Yet God still lets me know whose I am and that I am covered.  I am thankful for the direction I am heading and grateful for the obedience to stay on course.  It only goes up from here!!!

Thanks Sunshine for holding my umbrella in the rain 🙂