Picture it…Cape Canaveral, Florida, October 17, 2016…

This is a day that I will never forget because on this day, I cried. It’s not like I shed a few tears to wipe away the pain, I sobbed for hours, uncontrollably.  I wailed, my body shook, I snorted, and had to use my albuterol inhaler to catch my breath.  I think this picture is vivid now…

The truth is that I have shed tears before.  Crying is something that I actually feel is normal and healthy. BUT…on this day, I cried like never before.

You see this day was a day that I had planned for weeks in advance.  This day was supposed to be special and in the blink of an eye, the day was completely off schedule and out of my control.

The next day, as I reflected on the events that transpired on October 17, 2016, I could not understand why I cried so much.  I replayed every moment over and over in my head, trying to figure out why I was so hurt and why I could not stop crying. I have had disappointments, I have been hurt, and I have experienced loss but these tears were different.

Then suddenly I realized, this cry was a culmination of many events.  None of which happened on October 17, 2016.

I cried because of years of pain and frustration over things that I felt I had long mourned. These tears had been building up for over a decade and on this day, they all came flooding out.

I cried because I planned out my life when I was 8 and nothing turned out the way I planned.

I cried because I feel my career hasn’t begun.

I cried because my son’s father was chased down and murdered like an animal and I can’t take the pain away from my son.

I cried because I couldn’t answer my son when he asked why did the man have to kill his father.

I cried because I’ve made so many sacrifices in life.

I cried for every disappointment that I had to regroup from.

I cried for every dream delayed.

I cried because at that moment, I realized that I’ve held “it” together for so long.

It was painful, it was agonizing, it was NECESSARY and REFRESHING!!!

Those tears freed me in a way that I did not know that I needed and in that moment the weight of the world fell from my shoulders.

I, like many others in the world have celebrity family members (in my head 😉). While it is true that these people are not biologically related to me nor do they know me, over the years they have shared so much of their lives(even when they did not want to), that we have become family.

So…I did not watch the Whitney movie because as strange as it may sound to you, I do not want to see her story told again.  Throughout the years so much of her life has been in the public eye, so what else is there to uncover?  We have heard several variations of her life story and many “insiders” have given detailed accounts of what it was to be Whitney Houston. I sat through her entire funeral service and mourned her death along with millions of others.  Therefore, I am satisfied with remembering the amazing, God-given talent that was gifted to the world through Auntie Whitney and would like for her to rest in peace.

When the video was released for “I Look to You”, I saw the Whitney that we all grew to love in the beginning.  The classy songstress that took us on emotional roller coasters through her music.  The melodies that reminded us of what it feels like to be alive and the lyrics that showed us that there is a song for every situation.  But, I also saw a woman who had been tried by a firing squad and hung out dry.  In her beauty you could see the hope for better days (I look to you) while the strain of critics left her surrendering (after giving it my all).  Society has a strange way of worshiping celebrities one day and condemning them to death the very next day.  But wait that story sounds very familiar doesn’t it…they did it to Jesus, right?  I guess history really does repeat itself.

Chorus for Today: “As I lay me down. Heaven hear me now. I’m lost without a cause. After giving it my all. Winter storms have come. And darkened my sun. After all that I’ve been through. Who on earth can I turn to?~ I look to you

My uncle taught me that “my God will provide”. In this season, those words have guided me through my day-to-day trials and allowed me to experience joy during my time in the valley.

While it may appear that I have been in a season of lack, God told me that I would not lose one thing. You see to the human eye it may look like a fall but in God’s eyes it is a setup for a come up. In this season, I often found myself saying Lord I do not know what you are preparing me for but I trust you. BUT, I had to change my words and just simply say Lord I trust you. Because no matter what He is preparing me for He has still been working in this season and for everything that I saw as lack, He has given me better.

A few weeks ago I received a major blessing that was over a year in the making. I had no idea nor was I even thinking about going in this direction but God said I have already seen what challenges are ahead, I know your needs and I will supply ALL your needs.  He put an individual in place and placed a seed in their mind that would come to harvest 18 months later.

Often in life we get so caught up in what things look like that we cannot see what they really are. We make plans and when the plans fall through, we are devastated. We waste time trying to regroup and we waste time trying to figure out what God is doing.  In these times, we must be still and allow God to truly be the head of our lives.

The super Saints will not get this but the Christians will… You do not have to be perfect for God to bless you, you do not have to say buzz words for God to bless you, and you do not have to stand on one leg and scratch your head for God to bless you…simply put, God will bless you in His way and in His time.

From this day forward do not to get caught up in the small stuff. So what your plans did not work out, God’s plans are much better than anything you could ever plan for yourself. Allow God to work out the details and follow His directions.  If you trust God to wake you up every day, why not trust him to make that day good. God is prepared to give you what you have asked for and everything that you need but the question is, do you trust Him?

Butterfly: Lord, why did you make me like this?

God: I created you to show the world that no matter how or where you start in life, your destiny is always greater.

Butterfly: But how? When I hatched, I was a small caterpillar, useless to others and unattractive.  I had to crawl everywhere, it took so long to get to different places.

God: I made you crawl so that you would understand life from the lowest point. By crawling you also had time to avoid dangers and traps that were awaiting ahead.  I made you small so that you would understand that your size was sufficient to achieve My purpose for your life.  Although you thought that you were unattractive, I created you to blend in with the elements for your protection.  You see Butterfly, I designed you for a specific purpose and everything about you contributed to you flying into your destiny.

Butterfly: But God, I had to consume myself and you hid me in a cocoon.

God: I know Butterfly, that was also in My plan.  You see in order for you to become who I wanted you to be, you had to give up who you thought you were supposed to be.  You had to consume yourself so that the things inside of you that were not in line with My will for your life would cease to exist.  Essentially, you had to die to be reborn a new creature.  I hid you so that you could develop.  I had to shield you from attacks so that you could transform without the weight (influences) of the outside world. I did all these things so that your transformation would show the world who I am.  Your transformation will encourage others to put their trust in Me.

Butterfly: So, you mean to tell me that You did all of this on purpose?  You care that much for me that you anticipated my needs and designed me to overcome the world.  God, why do you love me so much?  I have complained about my life and the things that I had to go through.  I have asked “God why me”, more times than I should have and I do not always follow your directions.

God: I love you so much because I created you in My image.  You are my child and I knew before you were created that you would complain about your life.  I knew that you would not understand the process but I also knew that your foundation was built on a rock and that rock would be your anchor. I knew that when times got hard, you would remember where you came from and appreciate where you are now.  I knew that your rebirth was going to be worth the struggles you faced in the beginning of your life.  My child, I gave you wings so that you could soar above adversity. I made you beautiful to others to show that everything I created is beauty.  Understand that everything I do is with purpose and there is purpose in your process.

Just like a butterfly, we are born to eventually transform into a new creature. He equips us with everything that we will need for this transformation and send us on our way to live our lives.  He has already determined who will be trusted to birth us, raise us, and stand by our sides throughout life.  God has seen every struggle, stumbling block, and attack that will come against our lives and He has made preparation in advance to get us through these times.  Trust God, He will never fail you. }i{ }i{ }i{

As we develop in our mother’s womb, our journeys have already begun…

Throughout life we travel down many different roads and sometimes we lose direction BUT, (there’s always something better on the other side of “but”) every road and wrong turn will bring you back to your destiny.

When we reach these crossroads, there will be times when we must toss out the road maps and close our eyes and trust that this is exactly where we need to be.  This may seem like a crazy thing BUT, disorder can be an organizer (think about it).

One of the biggest mistakes we make in life is that we tend to measure success only by the things that “go according to plan”.  We set goals such as, “by age 25, this has to happen or by age 30 I should be doing this”. We look at setbacks and roadblocks as failures instead of redirection.  BUT remember, in the mist of what you may think is your biggest failure, you can still see God’s grace and mercy in your life.

Setbacks and roadblocks are never meant to discourage your progression, they are merely extensions of grace and mercy.  Grace is unmerited favor extended by God.  That means that you did not do anything to deserve this favor/assistance BUT because of God’s love for you, He has chosen to stop what was going to happen so that He may give you a better outcome.  Mercy is God’s compassion, extended to you because even though you do things contrary to His direction, He still loves you and desires for you to reach your intended destination.

Soooo…while you are going through your trials, hold your head up and trust the process.  Find comfort in knowing that God’s word shall come to pass.  God will give you the desires of your heart in His time not yours so, be kind to yourself and remember life is a marathon not a race.

My chorus for today is: “Fly like a bird, take to the sky. I need you now, Lord, carry me high.  Don’t let the world break me tonight. I need the strength of You by my side…” ~Mariah Carey

Often times after a “what now” experience, we are left in many shattered pieces.  These shattered pieces represent our delayed dreams, heartbreak, baggage from relationships, lost momentum, etc.  You may feel confused or hopeless when looking at all these pieces and wonder how you will move past this. These feelings are natural because when your world has been turned upside down, it is difficult to land on your feet.

BUT…there is good news on the other side of a “what now” experience. This time is a refining period and during your refining period, there will be twists, turns, and stretching.  Just like gold, refining will remove the impurities from your life and result in a new(better) version of you.

Sooo…here’s the secret…Simply, “Quit cursing the process! You cannot choose the path that God decides to take you to get you to your destiny! Hold on and TRUST the ride!” ~Tera C. Hodges

This statement is so powerful!  When we accept that God’s ways are far better than our own, we experience peace, the peace that passes all understanding.

Chorus for Today: “You, know, sometimes in life, situations are going to occur where you may look to the left or the right and you can’t find any answers and you can’t find anybody to help you. “BUT, I’m reminded of the Word that says they that wait upon the Lord, He shall renew their strength. They shall mount up on wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint. Come on. You’ve got to learn how to wait.~I Don’t Mind Waiting

People search for that one special person that they can share their dreams with. Some make a list of characteristics, personality traits, physical attributes, etc. that they find appealing in an effort to find the perfect mate.  BUT one question that is seldom asked is, “How does this person handle conflict?”

“Every couple disagrees, but there are healthy and unhealthy ways to argue.”~Jessica Orwig

Communication is an essential part of any healthy relationship.  As children, we are taught to verbalize our thoughts and desires so that others know what we need or require.  However, as adults, this is often a difficult task.

“The silent treatment may be a common response to conflict in relationships, but it is also one of the most destructive” ~Jessica Orwig

You see no one enters into a relationship to feel alone.  When you give your partner the silent treatment, you are conveying to the person that you love, that they are not worthy of your thoughts.  You are telling them (through silence) that you do not trust them to meet your needs.  You have told them (by rejection) that they cannot handle/comprehend your feelings. 

“The more polarized the partners become, the more difficult it is for them to stop engaging in the behaviors,” ~Paul Schrodt

Relationships are built on connections and the silent treatment rips that connection apart slowly and painfully.  Disagreements are not the end of your relationship, silence is.

BUT THERE’S HOPE…This is the result of a lapse in communication on both sides so, be careful not to place blame.  As simple as it may sound, talk it out.  Take small steps, decrease the cool down period and increase the will to listen without judgment.  Relationships are work but the reward is worth it. 

When searching for a romantic partner, what do you look for? What qualities are important?  What are deal breakers? Do you pray about these things or do you rely on your intuition? …What will you settle for?

BUT the real question is, are you ready to settle down?

Often times the answer will be some loose translation of the word yes because we continually ask for things that we are not prepared to receive.  You will fiddle through different reasons and provide an answer matching the overused “it’s time” catchall phrase.  But the truth is, you will say whatever you feel is necessary to convince YOURSELF that you are ready.

Do not settle down just because you are getting older, you want children, because your parents tell you to, or because you do not want to be alone.  This is a recipe for disaster because you will end up with someone who you are unhappy with.  Then in turn, end up resenting that partner and living in your own personal hell.

You must be honest with yourself, because when the dust settles, you have made a decision that will change the course of your life.

Choose a partner when you are happy with yourself and the way your life is progressing (Notice I did not say when you become a millionaire, make partner at work, become debt free, etc.).  Don’t seek perfection (here’s a secret: it does not exist), instead look for the “perfect verse over a tight beat”

❤ ❤ ❤

Chorus for today: “My vision, so misleading.  Make believing in things I never saw.  Deep inside we’re not right, no…things got different, ohhh it’s not what we thought, no.~Going Under, KM

Romans 6-8: Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

It is normal to be different.  We were all designed differently for the purpose of fulfilling a common goal.  If everyone had the same assignment, no great work would ever be completed.  Therefore, have compassion for each person in their individual roles.  You need different perspectives and experiences to effectively tackle any situation.

More importantly, work your calling, do not attempt to fill the shoes of another.  You are a necessary part of the process.

When you are not getting what you need out of a relationship, it is time to say goodbye.  Goodbye simply means that you are making space in your heart for the person intended for you.  It is easy to get caught up in the time that you invested but no investment is ever a waste.  Acknowledge, Accept, and Adapt.

It is not a failure, it is a life changing experience.  Your life is not over, just that chapter of your life. You will love again, if you allow your heart time to heal.

Chorus for Today: I wish that you could change, but I don’t think you can. I wish that you could feel this pain, so you could understand.  I hate you’re not the one…I needed love, I wasn’t enough. You can’t say I didn’t try, It might make me cry.  It’s gon’ hurt, no lie. Miss you, but goodbye…I wanna know if there’s any hope, my head says let it go. My heart says: fight for, fight for your love, but I’m giving up~K. Michelle