Loving you has been the best part of my life,

It’s not that you have been the best part but the love I feel for you is amazing.

Maybe I want you then again maybe I just want the me that loves you,

I don’t but I do.

It seems that it is never the right time for us,

You try to clone me and I try to clone you.

He’s nothing like you and she will never be me.

So maybe I want us then again maybe I just want the me that wants you,

I don’t but I do.

We do this dance over and over,

What should I say, what should I do.

Maybe I want to say I do then again maybe it is clear that I don’t,

I don’t but I do.

We will never make sense,

We were unexplainable.

So maybe I want too much then again maybe I don’t want it bad enough, 

I don’t but I do.

While ironing my clothes, there was gospel music playing in the background. One song in particular came on and I began to sing along, thinking about how much preparation we make for the next day. We rarely stop and think that maybe there is no tomorrow for us.

One thing that I did faithfully for many years of my life was plan ahead.  I planned my whole life out before I completed elementary school.  So, naturally life has changed my outlook on planning but tonight, I was forced to reexamine my thoughts regarding planning.  As I listened to different stories today I heard a recurring theme, stories of plans but all the plans were contingent upon a tomorrow.

When we consider ourselves “healthy” (physically, mentally, financially), we have a tendency to arrange our lives so that we cut a lot of little things out because we think it will cause us to lose focus or hinder our progress.  It is easy to put things off for another day because you can justify your absence, your lack of compassion, or lack of interest due to your journey to the next level.  What we fail to realize is that time is something that we cannot get back.  We can develop the most well thought out plan and it will not mean a thing if we do not see tomorrow.

Life is full of the unknown but there are some things that we do know.  We know when we love someone, we know when someone has hurt us, we know when we want to see a change take place in our lives, we know when we miss someone, we know when we need to change course, and there are so many other things that we know so, LIVE LOVE LAUGH WITHOUT LIMITS.

1 John 2:19~They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.

As we travel through life, we meet so many different people along the way.  The beautiful thing about this process is that we have the opportunity to interact and learn from each other.  Where we interrupt this process is by assigning temporary people, permanent positions.

A temporary person is meant to teach you a particular lesson, show you a different perspective, or maybe just share some of their sunshine along the way.  Often times instead of accepting the temporary nature of these relationships, we prolong the completion of their purpose by turning them into a permanent fixture in our lives.

It is ok to let go! It is ok to let go!  It is ok to let go! Today, thank God for those who left.

Chorus for today: “Letting go, letting go ain’t easy. Oh, it’s just exceedingly hurtful. ‘Cause somebody you used to know, is flinging your world around. And they watch, as you’re falling down, down, down, falling down, baby.”~MC

This is my favorite song at the moment. I believe that you can always find a part of your story in good music. Music is so beautiful because even when it is not your current situation, it was you at some point. Either way, when you close your eyes and listen to the song, you feel the pain that she feels from the situation and the release she experienced while singing her story.

K  Michelle – Maybe I Should Call [Official Lyric…: http://youtu.be/GOc54rZjbhY

“Maybe I Should Call”

Long distance in the way of what could be
Even when you’re here, you’re not with me
She’s having the child I should’ve carried
I’ll be damned if yall get married
How’s the baby, How you adjusting?
Ain’t gon work, you got problems trusting
Let me stop, I’m supposed to be focused
But these nights are the coldest

Will you ever let her go? I don’t know
Will I ever be first? I hope
But I ain’t just sitting around, can’t wait for someone to sing my worth
Damn I can’t compete with a baby
Is there any room left in your heart for me

I love him [x5]
Maybe I should call,
Maybe I should call
I love him [x5]
But I never call
Maybe that’s my flaw

Maybe that’s why I ain’t got a man
Cause I be doing too much thinking
Tryna compensate for your absence
But no drug can take me where you can
No I just want you where I am
1,000 of them, just want one him
Drowning in all of my excuses
Heart is feeling useless
Probably should’ve used it less

Will you ever let her go? I don’t know
Will I ever be first? I hope
But I ain’t just sitting around, can’t wait for someone to sing my worth
Damn I can’t compete with a baby
Is there any room left in your heart for me

I love him [x5]
Maybe I should call,
Maybe I should call
I love him [x5]
But I never call
Maybe that’s my flaw

After the last time we talked
Oh, I was a mess
You had me stressed
Oh no no no no no
I wrote the text, I didn’t send it
Dialed your number, but said forget it
Oh, what would it change
She’s still in the way
But I

I love him [x5]
Maybe I should call,
Maybe I should call
I love him [x5]
But I never call
Maybe that’s my flaw

What do you see?

While having lunch, I took this photo.

So many times we miss the beauty in life because we are so focused on the way things look instead of the way things are.  As I walked away from school this afternoon, I walked under I-4, across the railroad tracks, and pass the police station to get to my destination.

When I walked under I-4, my mind began to wonder, how many people called the little nook where the interstate meets the support structure below home every night.

When I crossed the railroad tracks, I had to be careful to watch my steps so I did not fall.  That gesture made me think about how many times we give up on our goals because the process to reach them has been slow.

As I walked pass the police station,  I saw a couple of officers going in.  Watching this made me wonder how many people walk out of that building everyday not knowing if they will return.  Also, I thought about how many people walk into that building and never walk out.

By the time I sat down for lunch, I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude.  But for the grace of God, I would have given up on my goals because there were many doors shut in my face before I got to this point.  But for His mercy, I would have been taken into a police a station, never to walk out again.  But for God’s provisions, I would be sleeping under I-4.

I see hope in EVERYTHING because I have seen darkness in many things and even in those times of darkness, God assured me that He was still by my side.  So, what do I see in this picture?  I saw infinite possibilities for my life because the sky is the limit to what I can have.

What do you see?

While watching the movie, Son of God, I was reminded why I live the way I do, love the way I do, and forgive the way I do.  But for the Grace of God, I would not be here.

Just as Lazarus was raised from the dead, God has brought all of us back from some dead situations(spiritual death, illness, dead-end relationships).  God has already said that “this sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God…”.  He already knew you would be placed in these situations and He has already made provisions for you to live through what you thought would kill you.

Just as Jesus waited 2 days to go back to check on Lazarus, God will wait His predetermined time to come check on you.  This does not mean He wants you to suffer, you actually play a part in when you will come out of your dead situation.  You will remain there until you decide that you cannot fix the issue and begin to totally rely on God. When you begin to totally rely on God, your light shines and others will know God by what they see in you.  When you encounter darkness, your light will emanate so that you may find your way out and just like Lazarus, you shall live.

Me, you, we…it seemed like this was meant to be

Our souls connected before our hearts

It was hard to see our love fall apart

When “it” was right, “it” was right

But at some place, we both lost the fight

Till we both break down…

Things will not be right

This is not worth the fight

I loved you then

You were my best friend

That is the reason it hurt in the end

Till we both break down..

Sometimes we run out of love

You adored me

I ignored you

Sometimes things do not go as planned

Sometimes it is out of your hands

Till we both break down…

We could have made it through

But neither of us knew

Sometimes you know it’s heaven sent

Sometimes you know you are all spent

Right now is all we have

Only God knows the plan

Till we both break down…

Chorus for Today:

How I Turned Sexual Temptation Into A Blessing

Jul 22, 2014 | by Anonymous

Dear God: Thank you for showing me the way out of temptation and into the blessing and discipline of singleness.

Abstinence. Celibacy. Single. Married. Divorced. They are all words.

More importantly, they are all choices.

And more often than not, they are related to that three letter word that so many people have trouble discussing.

Sex.

I did not wake up one morning and decide “I’m not going to have sex for seven years”.

I did not suddenly decide, “I think I am going to stop dating for a while.”

I DID wake up one morning after having sex with someone I wasn’t married to, yet madly in love with, and crying my eyes out.

It wasn’t the first time. He never noticed my silent tears.

The agony of immeasurable pleasure combined with unbearable guilt.

But my soul was tired.

I wasn’t mad at men.

I was tired of enjoying the best sex ever and IMMEDIATELY feeling disconnected from the one I love the most: GOD.

I was tired of starting my prayers with “God, I’m sorry, I did it again and it’s really hard for me to stay away because I LOVE him.”

I was tired of not feeling free to take my problems to God because I KNEW I was INTENTIONALLY sinning.

I was tired of trying to ignore God whispering in my ear as I got myself all dressed up and smelling good for my “booty call”.

And most importantly, I was tired of not enjoying the full benefits of living a life COMPLETELY lived for God.

It wasn’t random sex.

It was someone I loved more than I had ever loved before.

I was monogamous.

But, I ended the relationship.

When it was over, I was sad. I even tried to go back.

I couldn’t understand how I could hurt so much.

I couldn’t understand how we both could love each other so much and not find a way to make it work.

I couldn’t understand why I could feel so convicted for doing something that felt so good, so spiritual.

But, I KNEW: I NEEDED to obey God.

What was I to do? Go find another man to sleep with?

Nope. It would not have been the same. I only wanted that man.

I realized that each time I gave my body to that man, I was taking something away from God.

I was also depriving myself. Depriving myself of a clean conscience.

It didn’t matter what others around me did. I knew what God told ME!

After that, when a man approached me, I turned him down. I needed to learn the art of discipline.

I had spent so many years of my life, using my body for my OWN pleasure, that I knew I needed to do some SOUL CLEANSING.

So I took it one day at a time. One guy at a time. One No at a time. And now, I have not only days of celibacy, I have YEARS of celibacy.

Discipline.

Do I miss a relationship? Yup!

Do I desire companionship? Yup.

But, this time, I’m waiting on God.

Are there times I want sex?

Um, heck YEAH!

I KNOW what I NEED, WANT and DESERVE in a relationship and I won’t settle anymore.

And as I learned discipline, guess what happened?

I found my purpose.

I honed my talents.

I made new friends with similar interests.

I focused.

I created an online radio show.

I pursued my writing career.

I had a successful television career.

I started my own business.

And I got closer to God than I ever imagined possible.

I hear him more clearly.

The nights of staining my pillow with tears of guilt and shame are long gone.

I know people like to say, “just give it to God”.

The truth is: It doesn’t happen in an instant.

It’s a DAILY DECISION.

So, if people ridicule you for being celibate, ignore the ignorance.

The orgasm they enjoy for a moment, can’t compete with God’s everlasting love!

Even in my initial walk towards the celibate life, I slipped up a few times.

And finally, I made the decision to leave.

And that meant no more sex.

I once went a month, then three months and FINALLY I learned to STOP counting how long it’s been since I’ve “had sex”.

I started counting how long my body has belonged to God!

And now, I’m eagerly anticipating that man, my future husband that God has in store JUST for me.

Because I am disciplined.

And obedience is better than a sacrifice.

Copyright © 2014 · The Praying Woman · All Rights Reserved

– See more at: http://theprayingwoman.com/2014/07/22/turning-sexual-temptation-into-a-blessing/#sthash.vK7dwGkS.dpuf

Flowers do not worry about how they are going to bloom.  They just open up and turn toward the light and that makes them beautiful~Jim Carrey

Just like a flower, we are not to worry about how we are going to evolve.  Our job is to look up to God from which we receive light and the beauty of who we are will be shown for the world to see.

As I celebrate day one of my birthday, I am reminded that so many do not see the beauty within themselves.  Some people have put on masks to cope with situations in life.  One great thing about God is that He will always send an encouraging word when you are in need.

For those who feel that they cannot escape their past, God is forgiving.

For those who feel that they cannot make right their wrongs, God is a fixer.

For those who believe they are under a generational curse, God breaks chains.

For those who hide because of the perception of others, God is judge and jury.

For anyone who thinks God has forgotten about you, God is waiting on you.

If you do not fit into any of these categories, God is the alpha and omega.  He has you covered on both ends. Today celebrate you and all that God has, will, and is doing in your life.

“Falling in love with Jesus was the best thing I’ve every done”~<3

TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1, by Os Hillman
06-30-2014

“God looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.” Psalm 53:2

Are you a man or woman who is a seeker of God? The Lord delights in seeing those children of His who truly understand the meaning of life and why there is only one thing worth seeking God Himself.

I can always tell when I have not been seeking God. The cares of this life, the urgent over the important, and the petty irritations-these are the symptoms of a life that has not been in the presence of God. Do we understand, really understand? That is the question God raises to each of us today. If we understand, then why do we spend day after day toiling and fretting over what doesn’t matter? Can we set proper boundaries in our lives that don’t allow our time with Him to be continually stolen away? It is a challenge in a world that screams “activity, activity!”

Do you have a consistent time of seeking Him in your life? Are you committed to developing that intimacy with your Lord that He so desires? If not, ask Him today to help you. This is the longing of His heart. Ask Him to make it the longing of your heart. Then you will demonstrate to Him that you understand, and you will be a seeker of God.

Today God Is First (TGIF) devotional message, Copyright by Os Hillman, Marketplace Leaders.