When you think of your greatest influence, who/what do you rank at the top?

I hear these questions frequently, when are you getting married; why do you only have one child; or why do you want more children?  Then there are the follow-up questions, are you gay; are you able to have more children; and do you know you’re getting too old to have children?

My questions to them are, why do I have to be married by a certain age; why must I have multiple children; or why can’t I have multiple children?

People are so caught up in what society deems “normal” or “acceptable”, that they fail to realize they are not thinking for themselves.  Society has become their god and whatever appeals to society, they accept it and judge others by the standard. We have lost individuality…what is the real reason the divorce rate is so high and why is it that single parenting is now chosen by men and women? Why do we praise other human beings so much?

I would like your feedback, what are your thoughts on these questions?

What do you see?

While having lunch, I took this photo.

So many times we miss the beauty in life because we are so focused on the way things look instead of the way things are.  As I walked away from school this afternoon, I walked under I-4, across the railroad tracks, and pass the police station to get to my destination.

When I walked under I-4, my mind began to wonder, how many people called the little nook where the interstate meets the support structure below home every night.

When I crossed the railroad tracks, I had to be careful to watch my steps so I did not fall.  That gesture made me think about how many times we give up on our goals because the process to reach them has been slow.

As I walked pass the police station,  I saw a couple of officers going in.  Watching this made me wonder how many people walk out of that building everyday not knowing if they will return.  Also, I thought about how many people walk into that building and never walk out.

By the time I sat down for lunch, I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude.  But for the grace of God, I would have given up on my goals because there were many doors shut in my face before I got to this point.  But for His mercy, I would have been taken into a police a station, never to walk out again.  But for God’s provisions, I would be sleeping under I-4.

I see hope in EVERYTHING because I have seen darkness in many things and even in those times of darkness, God assured me that He was still by my side.  So, what do I see in this picture?  I saw infinite possibilities for my life because the sky is the limit to what I can have.

What do you see?

Me, you, we…it seemed like this was meant to be

Our souls connected before our hearts

It was hard to see our love fall apart

When “it” was right, “it” was right

But at some place, we both lost the fight

Till we both break down…

Things will not be right

This is not worth the fight

I loved you then

You were my best friend

That is the reason it hurt in the end

Till we both break down..

Sometimes we run out of love

You adored me

I ignored you

Sometimes things do not go as planned

Sometimes it is out of your hands

Till we both break down…

We could have made it through

But neither of us knew

Sometimes you know it’s heaven sent

Sometimes you know you are all spent

Right now is all we have

Only God knows the plan

Till we both break down…

Chorus for Today:

I am a huge proponent of forgiveness however, I recently found myself in foreign state. There was anger brewing inside of me that I did not understand and although I thought I was dealing with the anger, I came to the conclusion that I was not.

While watching the movie, “Dead man Walking”, I realized that I could see myself in the parents of the murdered children.  The had no compassion for the man who was accused of taking their children away from them.  They did not even see the man as human, he was a “mistake of God”, as one parent stated.  It was at that moment that I realized I had lost all compassion for a human being accused of killing someone who I cared about.  I replayed a conversation with a friend regarding the death penalty and clearly heard myself saying that “he” should be killed to stop him from killing anyone else.  I said that he took a life and would probably do it again if he were permitted to live.  I thought that even if he remained in prison for life, he would kill another prisoner and I had compassion for them.

Watching this movie was like looking in a mirror.  One that I had turned over because I did not like what I saw.  I have been going about my business for months thinking of all these reasons “he” should not be permitted to live. I never saw him, I saw a mug shot, then I saw the pain in my son’s eyes.  I saw my son’s tears and heard his unanswered question, “why did “he” have to kill my daddy”?  Ultimately only seeing black, darkness, and resentment.

Unforgiveness is a bitter pill to swallow and it ultimately can kill you.  You see, all this time I have been held hostage by anger and that is a danger to my soul.  My soul salvation is important to me and my goal is living a life that is pleasing to God.  Last night, God showed me, me!  I had to ask for forgiveness and forgive “him”.  I woke up this morning with swollen, red eyes BUT I can feel my load lightened.

I know it is hard to see past the pain that others have caused you but you have to see that you are more than your circumstances.  I never thought that I would be advocating for the death penalty but pain pushes you to points unseen. Thank You God for new mercy.

Today choose you and watch God work it out.

How I Turned Sexual Temptation Into A Blessing

Jul 22, 2014 | by Anonymous

Dear God: Thank you for showing me the way out of temptation and into the blessing and discipline of singleness.

Abstinence. Celibacy. Single. Married. Divorced. They are all words.

More importantly, they are all choices.

And more often than not, they are related to that three letter word that so many people have trouble discussing.

Sex.

I did not wake up one morning and decide “I’m not going to have sex for seven years”.

I did not suddenly decide, “I think I am going to stop dating for a while.”

I DID wake up one morning after having sex with someone I wasn’t married to, yet madly in love with, and crying my eyes out.

It wasn’t the first time. He never noticed my silent tears.

The agony of immeasurable pleasure combined with unbearable guilt.

But my soul was tired.

I wasn’t mad at men.

I was tired of enjoying the best sex ever and IMMEDIATELY feeling disconnected from the one I love the most: GOD.

I was tired of starting my prayers with “God, I’m sorry, I did it again and it’s really hard for me to stay away because I LOVE him.”

I was tired of not feeling free to take my problems to God because I KNEW I was INTENTIONALLY sinning.

I was tired of trying to ignore God whispering in my ear as I got myself all dressed up and smelling good for my “booty call”.

And most importantly, I was tired of not enjoying the full benefits of living a life COMPLETELY lived for God.

It wasn’t random sex.

It was someone I loved more than I had ever loved before.

I was monogamous.

But, I ended the relationship.

When it was over, I was sad. I even tried to go back.

I couldn’t understand how I could hurt so much.

I couldn’t understand how we both could love each other so much and not find a way to make it work.

I couldn’t understand why I could feel so convicted for doing something that felt so good, so spiritual.

But, I KNEW: I NEEDED to obey God.

What was I to do? Go find another man to sleep with?

Nope. It would not have been the same. I only wanted that man.

I realized that each time I gave my body to that man, I was taking something away from God.

I was also depriving myself. Depriving myself of a clean conscience.

It didn’t matter what others around me did. I knew what God told ME!

After that, when a man approached me, I turned him down. I needed to learn the art of discipline.

I had spent so many years of my life, using my body for my OWN pleasure, that I knew I needed to do some SOUL CLEANSING.

So I took it one day at a time. One guy at a time. One No at a time. And now, I have not only days of celibacy, I have YEARS of celibacy.

Discipline.

Do I miss a relationship? Yup!

Do I desire companionship? Yup.

But, this time, I’m waiting on God.

Are there times I want sex?

Um, heck YEAH!

I KNOW what I NEED, WANT and DESERVE in a relationship and I won’t settle anymore.

And as I learned discipline, guess what happened?

I found my purpose.

I honed my talents.

I made new friends with similar interests.

I focused.

I created an online radio show.

I pursued my writing career.

I had a successful television career.

I started my own business.

And I got closer to God than I ever imagined possible.

I hear him more clearly.

The nights of staining my pillow with tears of guilt and shame are long gone.

I know people like to say, “just give it to God”.

The truth is: It doesn’t happen in an instant.

It’s a DAILY DECISION.

So, if people ridicule you for being celibate, ignore the ignorance.

The orgasm they enjoy for a moment, can’t compete with God’s everlasting love!

Even in my initial walk towards the celibate life, I slipped up a few times.

And finally, I made the decision to leave.

And that meant no more sex.

I once went a month, then three months and FINALLY I learned to STOP counting how long it’s been since I’ve “had sex”.

I started counting how long my body has belonged to God!

And now, I’m eagerly anticipating that man, my future husband that God has in store JUST for me.

Because I am disciplined.

And obedience is better than a sacrifice.

Copyright © 2014 · The Praying Woman · All Rights Reserved

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Flowers do not worry about how they are going to bloom.  They just open up and turn toward the light and that makes them beautiful~Jim Carrey

Just like a flower, we are not to worry about how we are going to evolve.  Our job is to look up to God from which we receive light and the beauty of who we are will be shown for the world to see.

As I celebrate day one of my birthday, I am reminded that so many do not see the beauty within themselves.  Some people have put on masks to cope with situations in life.  One great thing about God is that He will always send an encouraging word when you are in need.

For those who feel that they cannot escape their past, God is forgiving.

For those who feel that they cannot make right their wrongs, God is a fixer.

For those who believe they are under a generational curse, God breaks chains.

For those who hide because of the perception of others, God is judge and jury.

For anyone who thinks God has forgotten about you, God is waiting on you.

If you do not fit into any of these categories, God is the alpha and omega.  He has you covered on both ends. Today celebrate you and all that God has, will, and is doing in your life.

“Falling in love with Jesus was the best thing I’ve every done”~<3

TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1, by Os Hillman
06-30-2014

“God looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.” Psalm 53:2

Are you a man or woman who is a seeker of God? The Lord delights in seeing those children of His who truly understand the meaning of life and why there is only one thing worth seeking God Himself.

I can always tell when I have not been seeking God. The cares of this life, the urgent over the important, and the petty irritations-these are the symptoms of a life that has not been in the presence of God. Do we understand, really understand? That is the question God raises to each of us today. If we understand, then why do we spend day after day toiling and fretting over what doesn’t matter? Can we set proper boundaries in our lives that don’t allow our time with Him to be continually stolen away? It is a challenge in a world that screams “activity, activity!”

Do you have a consistent time of seeking Him in your life? Are you committed to developing that intimacy with your Lord that He so desires? If not, ask Him today to help you. This is the longing of His heart. Ask Him to make it the longing of your heart. Then you will demonstrate to Him that you understand, and you will be a seeker of God.

Today God Is First (TGIF) devotional message, Copyright by Os Hillman, Marketplace Leaders.

“A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels”

“The Color of Rain”…

While watching this movie, the all too familiar situation arose…two people fall in love, they go through their moments of doubt and when they finally get out of their own way, everyone tells them they are moving too fast or they are not good for each other. The couple becomes distant and decide to break up.

Often times we need the advice of others so that we may see things from a different perspective. Sometimes, we are moving too fast or even too slow BUT we must be cautious of who we allow to give us advice. Everyone is not in a position to speak to or on your current situation.

When those who have been hurt are still carrying their own grief/pain, it is difficult to give others advice that is not based on their hurtful experience.  They think that what they are saying will protect you from feeling the pain they know all too well but what they are doing is advising you to not feel or live.

Thankfully, because this was a movie, the couple got back together and now live happily ever after. Life is not always like the movies so, be mindful of who you allow in your ear. Most times, they are trying to help but we cannot offer sound advice when we are in a state of depletion ourselves.

I have a request to write about love.  Well, everyone knows that I love, love and I could write about it ALL day long!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

Love is the foundation of all human interaction.  It all began with “for God so loved the world that He gave…”.  Love is Jesus on the cross.  It is this same love that we are to show towards one another.  The things we say, do, and think all should stem from love. The first love we consciously experience is from our parents. It is at this point that things can go one of two directions, right or real wrong {I will save this for another post 🙂 }. However, these experiences are the building blocks from which we develop our basis for love.

As children, we are in an active learning state and we crave knowledge.  We soak up everything we see, hear and feel, then we mimic or reject those behaviors.  These behaviors are what we know to be love.  When we mature we begin to have a new craving, we seek to understand ourselves and develop our own sense of love and we then connect with individuals who we feel meet our needs.  Our subconscious mind creates these connections so that we may receive this love and allows us to show our love towards others.

The most common mistake that we make in relationships is that we seek some magical formula that is supposed to create a perfect love.  Perfection is for God alone and not man.  The foundation of the word relationship is “relation”. Relation is the manner in which people communicate, behave, and interact with each other.  This goes back to love.  The love you desire and the love you require is what guides your relationships. Love is not a noun, do not allow Merriam-Webster to have you searching for a “strong feeling”. There are many who have experienced a strong feeling and it turned out to be pain.  Love is not synonymous with pain. Love is found in actions.  Love is what causes you to care for someone other than yourself.  It makes you put others needs before yours.  Love will make you show compassion and empathy without being told that you should.

Now…we were created to form relationships with one another.  There is no such thing as an army of one. As I said, we were created, therefore designed to form bonds with each other.  It is natural for us to seek companionship. While seeking companionship, we must embrace our differences.  Our differences are what bind us.  We are all flawed but there is someone out there that will strengthen your weaknesses and in doing so they complement your imperfections.  Love is the catalyst that allows this to happen. Love is the acceptance of a less than perfect person and sharing your strengths with them to aid in their growth.  When you can encourage, support, and forgive without expecting reciprocal actions, you have begun to experience love.

What’s love got to do with it?  EVERYTHING!!! Love is what love does.  It is a free-fall experience.  It is vulnerability and selflessness.  In trying to define love, you should understand  that love is a sacrifice.  BUT, with this sacrifice, you add value to your life.  It is my sincere belief that we all desire to be loved and possibly desire even more that someone allows us to love them.  Reach beyond the limits you have placed on yourself and let love flow.

Chorus for today: “I’m a puzzle, yes indeed. Ever complex in every way and all the pieces aren’t even in the box. Yet you see the picture clear as day…You catch me when I fall, accept me, flaws and all and that’s why I love you”~Flaws and All

Somewhere along the way, we have failed to see that all people deserve to be treated as humans. Disagreeing with someone’s view does not make one person right and the other person wrong but it should teach us to see issues from another person’s perspective.

While reading comments posted on a blog site, I noticed the terms reverse racism and white privilege were loosely thrown around, along with comments about who should and should not be allowed to comment on issues within a certain community.  Although most commentators had a point that was valid in their eyes, the message got lost while sifting through cliché’s used to incite emotion.  How do we heal from pain that has not been acknowledged?  If we are not free to say what effects our individual lives or communities without backlash for having the discussion, then how do we find solutions?  On the same note, if we only allow a minimal amount of people to sit in on the discussion, how will things change?

The first step is acknowledgment, there has to be an admission so that acceptance can settle in and from there, the pain of the masses can be healed.  We all suffer from division and we will never heal from our pain by ignoring the cries of our brethren. 

Until we get to the point of acknowledging that we are all human and deserve to be treated as such, we are doing more harm than good to each other.  When you know better, you do better. I’m so thankful for the diverse environment I have called home for the last 2 years. #FAMU