Transparent Thursday Post:

For those that know me, y’all know that “I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my ish”. I’m a perfectionist and I will study long and hard so that I get things right, the first time.

Well…one of my favorite desserts is the French Macaron. Being a baker, I make it my business to master my favorites so that I’m not forced to purchase the desserts from others all the time. While all recipes are precise, this recipe is delicate and precise AND you need EXTRA patience because it calls for you to take everything that you would normally do a step further.

So…I finally worked up the nerve to attempt to make French Macarons for the first time AND I BOMBED!!! Well…it was one of those things like,  they taste good but they don’t look right!🤣🤣🤣

I’m laughing now but I dropped a few tears because when I captured the picture, I immediately knew that I messed up.

Moral of the story: never be afraid to go after the things that make your heart smile. Although we learned at a very young age, if at first you don’t succeed, try again, as we grow up we don’t extend ourselves much grace. We become accustomed to perfecting and miss the joy of the experience.

So tonight as you wind down, make plans to go after those things that you’ve put off due to fear. Start formulating your plan and attack that goal with every thing in you. 🦋😘🦋😘🦋😘

Pain is something that we will all experience in life. No one is immune. While we generally believe that certain characteristics or actions of another are the source of our pain, the truth is, most times the pain is self-inflicted (I’ll save this for another post).

Now, the trouble with attributing your pain to the characteristics or actions of others is that you begin to believe that if you remove the person and every person that you meet with the same characteristics or behavior, the pain will end. Sadly, this solution does not deal with the underlying cause of the pain nor its lingering effects, it will only give you temporary relief and you could end up pushing the wrong people out of your life.

I learned this lesson the hard way (as many of us do). I confused the grief that I felt when that person was around with what I was actually grieving. It was not their presence that caused me grief, it was something inside of them that forced me to walk in my truth. Something in them would not allow me to hide behind the mask I wore. Their presence literally forced me to deal with me.

As you grow through life, search for the root issues. If you only look at the surface, you will stunt the process.

Remember, people come into your life for numerous reasons, allow people to do what they must and then let them go on their way.

Are you being specific with your request for God?

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Like many of you, I tuned in to watch the Bobby Brown Story, for many different reasons (I have not read

his book).  First and foremost, I wanted to see Bobby Brown’s life through the eyes of Bobby Brown.  I have read articles and seen stories told from the perspective of an onlooker BUT nothing beats a first hand account of a story.

Listen…by the end of day 2, I saw a piece of all of our lives in Uncle Bobby’s story.  I saw a life full of highs and lows.  I saw heartache, pain, and a man that has had to pick up the pieces and start over again and again. I saw someone that has loved and lost.  Someone that was full of life and wanted to enjoy every moment.

If you watched the series and picked through to determine which parts you choose to believe then you wasted your time.  We all go through trials and tribulations so that we can help others to see that there is victory on the other side.  Each part of the story built upon and expanded to another area of his life.  In the end, he is the sum total of every experience and a work in progress, still striving to get better.

I am grateful that Uncle Bobby brought HIStory to television and gave the world deeper insight into his life.  The story is told from HIS prospective and the wonderful thing about you telling your story is that no one gets to tell you what happened to you.

Be courageous enough to tell YOUR story.  The world is waiting.

I recently had an epiphany…many years ago, I was a side chick.  Now, I know the realization sounds a little shocking.  You may be asking questions like; how could you not know that you were a side chick?  Well, the answer is that I did not care enough at the time to think about it.

How does that happen???  Kinda like this…I was focused.  Focused on what I wanted. I was the boss of me.  He was a welcomed distraction but not enough of a distraction for me to realize all the moments he was an afterthought or a fill-in-the blank.  Now I am not giving him a pass and I do not promote cheating.  What I am saying is that I totally missed the process of changing from the object of his affection to the second place chick.

The story went something like this…we met under somewhat strange circumstances and we became almost inseparable.  In the beginning we talked all day, everyday, even while we were at work(shout out to Bluetooth technology) and then we talked until we went to sleep at night.  We also saw each other several times a week, at different time intervals.

At some point, I guess he grew tired of my unavailability/unwillingness to be who he needed and began to fill-in-the blank.  To be honest, I am certain that she was in the picture all along and I was quite possibly the fill-in-the blank BUT this is a tale about balance, not resolving the question of why he had the desire for two women.

So, back to my point…One night while we were together, he excused himself to answer a call.  He did not walk away or try to hide the fact that a female was calling.  When he hung up, I told him that was disrespectful or something to that effect.  He clearly responded that “if I was on my job, he would not be answering the phone.”

After this incident, I began to pull away from him and seek I wanted in my life(remember I am the boss of me).  I remember him questioning me about the distance and of course my answer was that I was busy.  Eventually, I told him that I started a new relationship and he confessed that he realized that he was in love with me.  The problem was that we had both run out of time.  There was nothing that he could say to repair our situationship, I did not trust him anymore. The good news is that we both went on to live our happily ever after eventually.

You see in life we put so many things before ourselves and our relationships all under the goal of looking out for ourselves( see how that does not add up).  Often times we think that we can push things to the side while we work our plan but we cannot control time nor add time when it is lost.  In order to achieve what we really want and need in life, we must find balance.  We have to be wives to OUR husbands, mothers to our children, girlfriends to OUR boyfriends, a friend to our friends and fulfill our positions at work,  all at the same time. All these roles require our attention and a certain level of devotion.  I believe that this is achieved when we prioritize our roles.  Ask yourself what is really important and adjust accordingly.

Well…16 x 2 + 5 and Pregnant 🙂

I really wanted to document my second journey to motherhood but honestly, I was just too tired. I was tired no matter how much I slept and there seemed to be no solution.  When I asked the doctors about the fatigue, they attributed it to my age BUT oh imagine this, I was ANEMIC and it was 1,000 degrees outside!!! (I live in the Sunshine State, duh)…

Welcome to “Advanced Maternal Age (AMA), or Pregnancy at Age 35 or Older”.  Although, per my doctor, I was a healthy 37-year-old, they never missed an opportunity to remind me of my age and what my age could mean for my pregnancy. It was almost as though they were surprised that each visit, I continued to “do well”…Thankfully, by the grace of God, I had a very healthy pregnancy.

Back to this AMA…I was referred to a high risk pregnancy doctor, “due to my age” and was required to see this doctor until I was “released”.  In other words, I’m old and I need monitoring because I’m old and pregnant lol. Sounds like my pregnancy had me doing time, right?

Although, it may sound like complaining, I am actually very grateful for the extra doctor visits and extra chances to see my baby girl developing in the womb.  My doctors were great and I know that they wanted to protect me and the little Princess to the best of their abilities.

Now, as far as my pregnancy went, I am now completely convinced of my theory that if your pregnancy is rough, your labor will be a walk in the park and in the inverse, if your pregnancy is smooth, labor will kick your butt. I have never experienced pain like that in my life and the little Princess was smaller than the little Prince.

Thinking back to 1998-1999, in my first trimester that I told my mother if this is what pregnancy was like, she did not have to worry about me getting pregnant again.  I was so sick, I thought I would whither away.  Fast forward to labor, the little Prince cried into the world after around 5 1/2 hours of actual labor, before my doctor could even return to the hospital to deliver him.

Now, his sister on the other hand, while I did experience morning sickness, I could usually pull myself together and make it through the day.  Fast forward to her labor,  induction began on Tuesday and she was born on Thursday and that’s all I’ll say about that. (in my Forest Gump voice lol)

So here’s the silver lining…I have two healthy babies. One is a man-child and the other is a newborn.  So far I have loved going through the newborn phase again but I will not lie and say that I do not appreciate the independent phase that my son is in.

In the end, it wasn’t so bad being 16 x 2 + 5 and Pregnant. This phase (as others lol ) is going to be an adventure and I welcome you along for the ride!!!

As we develop in our mother’s womb, our journeys have already begun…

Throughout life we travel down many different roads and sometimes we lose direction BUT, (there’s always something better on the other side of “but”) every road and wrong turn will bring you back to your destiny.

When we reach these crossroads, there will be times when we must toss out the road maps and close our eyes and trust that this is exactly where we need to be.  This may seem like a crazy thing BUT, disorder can be an organizer (think about it).

One of the biggest mistakes we make in life is that we tend to measure success only by the things that “go according to plan”.  We set goals such as, “by age 25, this has to happen or by age 30 I should be doing this”. We look at setbacks and roadblocks as failures instead of redirection.  BUT remember, in the mist of what you may think is your biggest failure, you can still see God’s grace and mercy in your life.

Setbacks and roadblocks are never meant to discourage your progression, they are merely extensions of grace and mercy.  Grace is unmerited favor extended by God.  That means that you did not do anything to deserve this favor/assistance BUT because of God’s love for you, He has chosen to stop what was going to happen so that He may give you a better outcome.  Mercy is God’s compassion, extended to you because even though you do things contrary to His direction, He still loves you and desires for you to reach your intended destination.

Soooo…while you are going through your trials, hold your head up and trust the process.  Find comfort in knowing that God’s word shall come to pass.  God will give you the desires of your heart in His time not yours so, be kind to yourself and remember life is a marathon not a race.

My chorus for today is: “Fly like a bird, take to the sky. I need you now, Lord, carry me high.  Don’t let the world break me tonight. I need the strength of You by my side…” ~Mariah Carey