Loving you has been the best part of my life,

It’s not that you have been the best part but the love I feel for you is amazing.

Maybe I want you then again maybe I just want the me that loves you,

I don’t but I do.

It seems that it is never the right time for us,

You try to clone me and I try to clone you.

He’s nothing like you and she will never be me.

So maybe I want us then again maybe I just want the me that wants you,

I don’t but I do.

We do this dance over and over,

What should I say, what should I do.

Maybe I want to say I do then again maybe it is clear that I don’t,

I don’t but I do.

We will never make sense,

We were unexplainable.

So maybe I want too much then again maybe I don’t want it bad enough, 

I don’t but I do.

What do you see?

While having lunch, I took this photo.

So many times we miss the beauty in life because we are so focused on the way things look instead of the way things are.  As I walked away from school this afternoon, I walked under I-4, across the railroad tracks, and pass the police station to get to my destination.

When I walked under I-4, my mind began to wonder, how many people called the little nook where the interstate meets the support structure below home every night.

When I crossed the railroad tracks, I had to be careful to watch my steps so I did not fall.  That gesture made me think about how many times we give up on our goals because the process to reach them has been slow.

As I walked pass the police station,  I saw a couple of officers going in.  Watching this made me wonder how many people walk out of that building everyday not knowing if they will return.  Also, I thought about how many people walk into that building and never walk out.

By the time I sat down for lunch, I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude.  But for the grace of God, I would have given up on my goals because there were many doors shut in my face before I got to this point.  But for His mercy, I would have been taken into a police a station, never to walk out again.  But for God’s provisions, I would be sleeping under I-4.

I see hope in EVERYTHING because I have seen darkness in many things and even in those times of darkness, God assured me that He was still by my side.  So, what do I see in this picture?  I saw infinite possibilities for my life because the sky is the limit to what I can have.

What do you see?

While watching the movie, Son of God, I was reminded why I live the way I do, love the way I do, and forgive the way I do.  But for the Grace of God, I would not be here.

Just as Lazarus was raised from the dead, God has brought all of us back from some dead situations(spiritual death, illness, dead-end relationships).  God has already said that “this sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God…”.  He already knew you would be placed in these situations and He has already made provisions for you to live through what you thought would kill you.

Just as Jesus waited 2 days to go back to check on Lazarus, God will wait His predetermined time to come check on you.  This does not mean He wants you to suffer, you actually play a part in when you will come out of your dead situation.  You will remain there until you decide that you cannot fix the issue and begin to totally rely on God. When you begin to totally rely on God, your light shines and others will know God by what they see in you.  When you encounter darkness, your light will emanate so that you may find your way out and just like Lazarus, you shall live.

Me, you, we…it seemed like this was meant to be

Our souls connected before our hearts

It was hard to see our love fall apart

When “it” was right, “it” was right

But at some place, we both lost the fight

Till we both break down…

Things will not be right

This is not worth the fight

I loved you then

You were my best friend

That is the reason it hurt in the end

Till we both break down..

Sometimes we run out of love

You adored me

I ignored you

Sometimes things do not go as planned

Sometimes it is out of your hands

Till we both break down…

We could have made it through

But neither of us knew

Sometimes you know it’s heaven sent

Sometimes you know you are all spent

Right now is all we have

Only God knows the plan

Till we both break down…

Chorus for Today:

How I Turned Sexual Temptation Into A Blessing

Jul 22, 2014 | by Anonymous

Dear God: Thank you for showing me the way out of temptation and into the blessing and discipline of singleness.

Abstinence. Celibacy. Single. Married. Divorced. They are all words.

More importantly, they are all choices.

And more often than not, they are related to that three letter word that so many people have trouble discussing.

Sex.

I did not wake up one morning and decide “I’m not going to have sex for seven years”.

I did not suddenly decide, “I think I am going to stop dating for a while.”

I DID wake up one morning after having sex with someone I wasn’t married to, yet madly in love with, and crying my eyes out.

It wasn’t the first time. He never noticed my silent tears.

The agony of immeasurable pleasure combined with unbearable guilt.

But my soul was tired.

I wasn’t mad at men.

I was tired of enjoying the best sex ever and IMMEDIATELY feeling disconnected from the one I love the most: GOD.

I was tired of starting my prayers with “God, I’m sorry, I did it again and it’s really hard for me to stay away because I LOVE him.”

I was tired of not feeling free to take my problems to God because I KNEW I was INTENTIONALLY sinning.

I was tired of trying to ignore God whispering in my ear as I got myself all dressed up and smelling good for my “booty call”.

And most importantly, I was tired of not enjoying the full benefits of living a life COMPLETELY lived for God.

It wasn’t random sex.

It was someone I loved more than I had ever loved before.

I was monogamous.

But, I ended the relationship.

When it was over, I was sad. I even tried to go back.

I couldn’t understand how I could hurt so much.

I couldn’t understand how we both could love each other so much and not find a way to make it work.

I couldn’t understand why I could feel so convicted for doing something that felt so good, so spiritual.

But, I KNEW: I NEEDED to obey God.

What was I to do? Go find another man to sleep with?

Nope. It would not have been the same. I only wanted that man.

I realized that each time I gave my body to that man, I was taking something away from God.

I was also depriving myself. Depriving myself of a clean conscience.

It didn’t matter what others around me did. I knew what God told ME!

After that, when a man approached me, I turned him down. I needed to learn the art of discipline.

I had spent so many years of my life, using my body for my OWN pleasure, that I knew I needed to do some SOUL CLEANSING.

So I took it one day at a time. One guy at a time. One No at a time. And now, I have not only days of celibacy, I have YEARS of celibacy.

Discipline.

Do I miss a relationship? Yup!

Do I desire companionship? Yup.

But, this time, I’m waiting on God.

Are there times I want sex?

Um, heck YEAH!

I KNOW what I NEED, WANT and DESERVE in a relationship and I won’t settle anymore.

And as I learned discipline, guess what happened?

I found my purpose.

I honed my talents.

I made new friends with similar interests.

I focused.

I created an online radio show.

I pursued my writing career.

I had a successful television career.

I started my own business.

And I got closer to God than I ever imagined possible.

I hear him more clearly.

The nights of staining my pillow with tears of guilt and shame are long gone.

I know people like to say, “just give it to God”.

The truth is: It doesn’t happen in an instant.

It’s a DAILY DECISION.

So, if people ridicule you for being celibate, ignore the ignorance.

The orgasm they enjoy for a moment, can’t compete with God’s everlasting love!

Even in my initial walk towards the celibate life, I slipped up a few times.

And finally, I made the decision to leave.

And that meant no more sex.

I once went a month, then three months and FINALLY I learned to STOP counting how long it’s been since I’ve “had sex”.

I started counting how long my body has belonged to God!

And now, I’m eagerly anticipating that man, my future husband that God has in store JUST for me.

Because I am disciplined.

And obedience is better than a sacrifice.

Copyright © 2014 · The Praying Woman · All Rights Reserved

– See more at: http://theprayingwoman.com/2014/07/22/turning-sexual-temptation-into-a-blessing/#sthash.vK7dwGkS.dpuf

Flowers do not worry about how they are going to bloom.  They just open up and turn toward the light and that makes them beautiful~Jim Carrey

Just like a flower, we are not to worry about how we are going to evolve.  Our job is to look up to God from which we receive light and the beauty of who we are will be shown for the world to see.

As I celebrate day one of my birthday, I am reminded that so many do not see the beauty within themselves.  Some people have put on masks to cope with situations in life.  One great thing about God is that He will always send an encouraging word when you are in need.

For those who feel that they cannot escape their past, God is forgiving.

For those who feel that they cannot make right their wrongs, God is a fixer.

For those who believe they are under a generational curse, God breaks chains.

For those who hide because of the perception of others, God is judge and jury.

For anyone who thinks God has forgotten about you, God is waiting on you.

If you do not fit into any of these categories, God is the alpha and omega.  He has you covered on both ends. Today celebrate you and all that God has, will, and is doing in your life.

“Falling in love with Jesus was the best thing I’ve every done”~<3

TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1, by Os Hillman
06-30-2014

“God looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.” Psalm 53:2

Are you a man or woman who is a seeker of God? The Lord delights in seeing those children of His who truly understand the meaning of life and why there is only one thing worth seeking God Himself.

I can always tell when I have not been seeking God. The cares of this life, the urgent over the important, and the petty irritations-these are the symptoms of a life that has not been in the presence of God. Do we understand, really understand? That is the question God raises to each of us today. If we understand, then why do we spend day after day toiling and fretting over what doesn’t matter? Can we set proper boundaries in our lives that don’t allow our time with Him to be continually stolen away? It is a challenge in a world that screams “activity, activity!”

Do you have a consistent time of seeking Him in your life? Are you committed to developing that intimacy with your Lord that He so desires? If not, ask Him today to help you. This is the longing of His heart. Ask Him to make it the longing of your heart. Then you will demonstrate to Him that you understand, and you will be a seeker of God.

Today God Is First (TGIF) devotional message, Copyright by Os Hillman, Marketplace Leaders.

What is in a name???

One of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made was what to name my son.  When I was pregnant, it seemed so easy and I never gave it a second thought.  However, as the years go by, I have contemplated numerous times whether I made the right decision.

I gave him a name with Jr. on the end.  At first sight, this may look like a legacy, pride, or a deep appreciation for the man whose name would  now be attached with Sr.  The truth is, I never thought beyond the fact that the child I carried inside was his son and the pride he felt from knowing that a mini version of him would soon grace this world.

I’m happy that I made the decision, along with him, to name our son Jr.  Only God knew that we would be where we are today.  Only God knew that my son would carry a legacy, a sense of pride, and a deep appreciation for the man whose name was attached with Sr.  I thank God that the very same name is revered.  Sr. may be gone but his name touched the hearts of many people who now watch out for Jr.  God’s promises are eternal and I know that although I am away from Jr., Sr.’s name has provided him with a shield that watches and prays for him more than we’ll ever know.

Every phone call I get reminds me that my angel on earth is covered.  So, what’s in a name???   Everything you need!!!

I have a request to write about love.  Well, everyone knows that I love, love and I could write about it ALL day long!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

Love is the foundation of all human interaction.  It all began with “for God so loved the world that He gave…”.  Love is Jesus on the cross.  It is this same love that we are to show towards one another.  The things we say, do, and think all should stem from love. The first love we consciously experience is from our parents. It is at this point that things can go one of two directions, right or real wrong {I will save this for another post 🙂 }. However, these experiences are the building blocks from which we develop our basis for love.

As children, we are in an active learning state and we crave knowledge.  We soak up everything we see, hear and feel, then we mimic or reject those behaviors.  These behaviors are what we know to be love.  When we mature we begin to have a new craving, we seek to understand ourselves and develop our own sense of love and we then connect with individuals who we feel meet our needs.  Our subconscious mind creates these connections so that we may receive this love and allows us to show our love towards others.

The most common mistake that we make in relationships is that we seek some magical formula that is supposed to create a perfect love.  Perfection is for God alone and not man.  The foundation of the word relationship is “relation”. Relation is the manner in which people communicate, behave, and interact with each other.  This goes back to love.  The love you desire and the love you require is what guides your relationships. Love is not a noun, do not allow Merriam-Webster to have you searching for a “strong feeling”. There are many who have experienced a strong feeling and it turned out to be pain.  Love is not synonymous with pain. Love is found in actions.  Love is what causes you to care for someone other than yourself.  It makes you put others needs before yours.  Love will make you show compassion and empathy without being told that you should.

Now…we were created to form relationships with one another.  There is no such thing as an army of one. As I said, we were created, therefore designed to form bonds with each other.  It is natural for us to seek companionship. While seeking companionship, we must embrace our differences.  Our differences are what bind us.  We are all flawed but there is someone out there that will strengthen your weaknesses and in doing so they complement your imperfections.  Love is the catalyst that allows this to happen. Love is the acceptance of a less than perfect person and sharing your strengths with them to aid in their growth.  When you can encourage, support, and forgive without expecting reciprocal actions, you have begun to experience love.

What’s love got to do with it?  EVERYTHING!!! Love is what love does.  It is a free-fall experience.  It is vulnerability and selflessness.  In trying to define love, you should understand  that love is a sacrifice.  BUT, with this sacrifice, you add value to your life.  It is my sincere belief that we all desire to be loved and possibly desire even more that someone allows us to love them.  Reach beyond the limits you have placed on yourself and let love flow.

Chorus for today: “I’m a puzzle, yes indeed. Ever complex in every way and all the pieces aren’t even in the box. Yet you see the picture clear as day…You catch me when I fall, accept me, flaws and all and that’s why I love you”~Flaws and All

Somewhere along the way, we have failed to see that all people deserve to be treated as humans. Disagreeing with someone’s view does not make one person right and the other person wrong but it should teach us to see issues from another person’s perspective.

While reading comments posted on a blog site, I noticed the terms reverse racism and white privilege were loosely thrown around, along with comments about who should and should not be allowed to comment on issues within a certain community.  Although most commentators had a point that was valid in their eyes, the message got lost while sifting through cliché’s used to incite emotion.  How do we heal from pain that has not been acknowledged?  If we are not free to say what effects our individual lives or communities without backlash for having the discussion, then how do we find solutions?  On the same note, if we only allow a minimal amount of people to sit in on the discussion, how will things change?

The first step is acknowledgment, there has to be an admission so that acceptance can settle in and from there, the pain of the masses can be healed.  We all suffer from division and we will never heal from our pain by ignoring the cries of our brethren. 

Until we get to the point of acknowledging that we are all human and deserve to be treated as such, we are doing more harm than good to each other.  When you know better, you do better. I’m so thankful for the diverse environment I have called home for the last 2 years. #FAMU