I recently had an epiphany…many years ago, I was a side chick. Now, I know the realization sounds a little shocking. You may be asking questions like; how could you not know that you were a side chick? Well, the answer is that I did not care enough at the time to think about it.
How does that happen??? Kinda like this…I was focused. Focused on what I wanted. I was the boss of me. He was a welcomed distraction but not enough of a distraction for me to realize all the moments he was an afterthought or a fill-in-the blank. Now I am not giving him a pass and I do not promote cheating. What I am saying is that I totally missed the process of changing from the object of his affection to the second place chick.
The story went something like this…we met under somewhat strange circumstances and we became almost inseparable. In the beginning we talked all day, everyday, even while we were at work(shout out to Bluetooth technology) and then we talked until we went to sleep at night. We also saw each other several times a week, at different time intervals.
At some point, I guess he grew tired of my unavailability/unwillingness to be who he needed and began to fill-in-the blank. To be honest, I am certain that she was in the picture all along and I was quite possibly the fill-in-the blank BUT this is a tale about balance, not resolving the question of why he had the desire for two women.
So, back to my point…One night while we were together, he excused himself to answer a call. He did not walk away or try to hide the fact that a female was calling. When he hung up, I told him that was disrespectful or something to that effect. He clearly responded that “if I was on my job, he would not be answering the phone.”
After this incident, I began to pull away from him and seek I wanted in my life(remember I am the boss of me). I remember him questioning me about the distance and of course my answer was that I was busy. Eventually, I told him that I started a new relationship and he confessed that he realized that he was in love with me. The problem was that we had both run out of time. There was nothing that he could say to repair our situationship, I did not trust him anymore. The good news is that we both went on to live our happily ever after eventually.
You see in life we put so many things before ourselves and our relationships all under the goal of looking out for ourselves( see how that does not add up). Often times we think that we can push things to the side while we work our plan but we cannot control time nor add time when it is lost. In order to achieve what we really want and need in life, we must find balance. We have to be wives to OUR husbands, mothers to our children, girlfriends to OUR boyfriends, a friend to our friends and fulfill our positions at work, all at the same time. All these roles require our attention and a certain level of devotion. I believe that this is achieved when we prioritize our roles. Ask yourself what is really important and adjust accordingly.
January 11, 2024
Ms. T. Hayes
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