Are you being specific with your request for God?

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Like many of you, I tuned in to watch the Bobby Brown Story, for many different reasons (I have not read

his book).  First and foremost, I wanted to see Bobby Brown’s life through the eyes of Bobby Brown.  I have read articles and seen stories told from the perspective of an onlooker BUT nothing beats a first hand account of a story.

Listen…by the end of day 2, I saw a piece of all of our lives in Uncle Bobby’s story.  I saw a life full of highs and lows.  I saw heartache, pain, and a man that has had to pick up the pieces and start over again and again. I saw someone that has loved and lost.  Someone that was full of life and wanted to enjoy every moment.

If you watched the series and picked through to determine which parts you choose to believe then you wasted your time.  We all go through trials and tribulations so that we can help others to see that there is victory on the other side.  Each part of the story built upon and expanded to another area of his life.  In the end, he is the sum total of every experience and a work in progress, still striving to get better.

I am grateful that Uncle Bobby brought HIStory to television and gave the world deeper insight into his life.  The story is told from HIS prospective and the wonderful thing about you telling your story is that no one gets to tell you what happened to you.

Be courageous enough to tell YOUR story.  The world is waiting.

I recently had an epiphany…many years ago, I was a side chick.  Now, I know the realization sounds a little shocking.  You may be asking questions like; how could you not know that you were a side chick?  Well, the answer is that I did not care enough at the time to think about it.

How does that happen???  Kinda like this…I was focused.  Focused on what I wanted. I was the boss of me.  He was a welcomed distraction but not enough of a distraction for me to realize all the moments he was an afterthought or a fill-in-the blank.  Now I am not giving him a pass and I do not promote cheating.  What I am saying is that I totally missed the process of changing from the object of his affection to the second place chick.

The story went something like this…we met under somewhat strange circumstances and we became almost inseparable.  In the beginning we talked all day, everyday, even while we were at work(shout out to Bluetooth technology) and then we talked until we went to sleep at night.  We also saw each other several times a week, at different time intervals.

At some point, I guess he grew tired of my unavailability/unwillingness to be who he needed and began to fill-in-the blank.  To be honest, I am certain that she was in the picture all along and I was quite possibly the fill-in-the blank BUT this is a tale about balance, not resolving the question of why he had the desire for two women.

So, back to my point…One night while we were together, he excused himself to answer a call.  He did not walk away or try to hide the fact that a female was calling.  When he hung up, I told him that was disrespectful or something to that effect.  He clearly responded that “if I was on my job, he would not be answering the phone.”

After this incident, I began to pull away from him and seek I wanted in my life(remember I am the boss of me).  I remember him questioning me about the distance and of course my answer was that I was busy.  Eventually, I told him that I started a new relationship and he confessed that he realized that he was in love with me.  The problem was that we had both run out of time.  There was nothing that he could say to repair our situationship, I did not trust him anymore. The good news is that we both went on to live our happily ever after eventually.

You see in life we put so many things before ourselves and our relationships all under the goal of looking out for ourselves( see how that does not add up).  Often times we think that we can push things to the side while we work our plan but we cannot control time nor add time when it is lost.  In order to achieve what we really want and need in life, we must find balance.  We have to be wives to OUR husbands, mothers to our children, girlfriends to OUR boyfriends, a friend to our friends and fulfill our positions at work,  all at the same time. All these roles require our attention and a certain level of devotion.  I believe that this is achieved when we prioritize our roles.  Ask yourself what is really important and adjust accordingly.

Butterfly: Lord, why did you make me like this?

God: I created you to show the world that no matter how or where you start in life, your destiny is always greater.

Butterfly: But how? When I hatched, I was a small caterpillar, useless to others and unattractive.  I had to crawl everywhere, it took so long to get to different places.

God: I made you crawl so that you would understand life from the lowest point. By crawling you also had time to avoid dangers and traps that were awaiting ahead.  I made you small so that you would understand that your size was sufficient to achieve My purpose for your life.  Although you thought that you were unattractive, I created you to blend in with the elements for your protection.  You see Butterfly, I designed you for a specific purpose and everything about you contributed to you flying into your destiny.

Butterfly: But God, I had to consume myself and you hid me in a cocoon.

God: I know Butterfly, that was also in My plan.  You see in order for you to become who I wanted you to be, you had to give up who you thought you were supposed to be.  You had to consume yourself so that the things inside of you that were not in line with My will for your life would cease to exist.  Essentially, you had to die to be reborn a new creature.  I hid you so that you could develop.  I had to shield you from attacks so that you could transform without the weight (influences) of the outside world. I did all these things so that your transformation would show the world who I am.  Your transformation will encourage others to put their trust in Me.

Butterfly: So, you mean to tell me that You did all of this on purpose?  You care that much for me that you anticipated my needs and designed me to overcome the world.  God, why do you love me so much?  I have complained about my life and the things that I had to go through.  I have asked “God why me”, more times than I should have and I do not always follow your directions.

God: I love you so much because I created you in My image.  You are my child and I knew before you were created that you would complain about your life.  I knew that you would not understand the process but I also knew that your foundation was built on a rock and that rock would be your anchor. I knew that when times got hard, you would remember where you came from and appreciate where you are now.  I knew that your rebirth was going to be worth the struggles you faced in the beginning of your life.  My child, I gave you wings so that you could soar above adversity. I made you beautiful to others to show that everything I created is beauty.  Understand that everything I do is with purpose and there is purpose in your process.

Just like a butterfly, we are born to eventually transform into a new creature. He equips us with everything that we will need for this transformation and send us on our way to live our lives.  He has already determined who will be trusted to birth us, raise us, and stand by our sides throughout life.  God has seen every struggle, stumbling block, and attack that will come against our lives and He has made preparation in advance to get us through these times.  Trust God, He will never fail you. }i{ }i{ }i{

Loving you has been the best part of my life,

It’s not that you have been the best part but the love I feel for you is amazing.

Maybe I want you then again maybe I just want the me that loves you,

I don’t but I do.

It seems that it is never the right time for us,

You try to clone me and I try to clone you.

He’s nothing like you and she will never be me.

So maybe I want us then again maybe I just want the me that wants you,

I don’t but I do.

We do this dance over and over,

What should I say, what should I do.

Maybe I want to say I do then again maybe it is clear that I don’t,

I don’t but I do.

We will never make sense,

We were unexplainable.

So maybe I want too much then again maybe I don’t want it bad enough, 

I don’t but I do.

1 John 2:19~They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.

As we travel through life, we meet so many different people along the way.  The beautiful thing about this process is that we have the opportunity to interact and learn from each other.  Where we interrupt this process is by assigning temporary people, permanent positions.

A temporary person is meant to teach you a particular lesson, show you a different perspective, or maybe just share some of their sunshine along the way.  Often times instead of accepting the temporary nature of these relationships, we prolong the completion of their purpose by turning them into a permanent fixture in our lives.

It is ok to let go! It is ok to let go!  It is ok to let go! Today, thank God for those who left.

Chorus for today: “Letting go, letting go ain’t easy. Oh, it’s just exceedingly hurtful. ‘Cause somebody you used to know, is flinging your world around. And they watch, as you’re falling down, down, down, falling down, baby.”~MC

I’ve learned over the years that the greatest gift I have to offer to the world is ME…There is no doubt about it, when I was created, the heavens sang!!!  Everyone should feel this way.  We are all here to fulfill a purpose and even when you can’t see your way, there is still value to your life.  Everyone won’t be for you but everyone is not against you, so shine anyway!!!

May 5, 2012 is drop-off day.  Just like a water filter, I’m purifying.  The good things are flowing through to fill my cup and the bad ones are being disposed of.  In order to grow, you must learn when to allow things to fall away.  Some people, situations or things have been hanging on by a thread, you must cut them off to eliminate the dead weight.

As I await day 3 of this journey, I am tired.  I released a lot and embraced so much more and this has drained me.  When you make room for the all the good, you wonder where all the bad ever fit in.

My chorus for today  is: “Bag lady you gone hurt your back, dragging all them bags like that.  I guess nobody ever told you, all you must hold on to, is you, is you, is you…”~Erykah Badu

As we develop in our mother’s womb, our journeys have already begun…

Life is a series of short stories with a common end.  Throughout life we travel down many different roads and sometimes lose direction but every road and wrong turn brings us back to our center.  There are times when we must toss out the road maps, close our eyes and follow our destined paths.  This may seem like a crazy thing to do but disorder can be an organizer(think about it).

As I embark on a new journey in my life, I would like to take you along with me.  Today, I gave “it” all up. “It” represents everything that is hindering you from walking in your purpose.  Friday, May 4, 2012 represents trash pick up day.  I pulled the dumpster from behind the house and took the garbage to the curb.  There it will stay and I won’t ever pick it up again.  Many people walk around dumping their trash in other people’s dumpsters, leaving that person with trash they don’t have room to store.  So, today I left problems, sorrow, heartache, bitterness, dislike and all things of the sort on the curb.  They were all things dropped off in my dumpster by others.  They represent burdens that I don’t have room to store.